First Happyish Mother's Day

10:05 AM


My first Mother’s Day was not filled with presents, balloons or even flowers or special meals. No my first Mother’s day was not as the commercials show. My first Mother’s Day began with my husband wishing me my first Happy Mother’s Day. We spent the day at home relaxing and just enjoying a day of ease.

I have been a mother for over 16 years so how can this be my first Mother’s Day? It was the first Mother’s Day that I had a child of my own that I carried and birthed.

I have technically been a mother since 2000 when I was a scared pregnant senior in high school. I lost that precious little boy (Dylan) in a tragic set of events that could have been prevented if I had not been set on a midwife and doing things “Naturally”. I have been a mother 13 other times that ended in losses of precious little lives. You see I have Autoimmune Disease, which makes my body attack the fetus’ thinking they are a negative foreign body. I also have a cervix that is super thin and has difficulty carrying the weight of a baby. For 16 years, specialists told me that I would never be a mother naturally.

Through the years, I became a Foster parent raising a child from six months to six years before being returned to his mom. I helped raise stepchildren; I went through the hopes of adoption just to be squashed. I tried In Vitro Fertilization, I tried for surrogacy and finally I resigned myself to believing I would never be a birth mother. The final straw was when I was diagnosed with Heavy Metals Poisoning. I became wheelchair dependent and acquired a new set of disabilities.

My husband and I got back together in 2010 after dating in high school. I had told him that we would never have children if this were what he was looking for he needed to move on. His exact words were “If we are meant to have children God will provide.” He has two sons which I whole heartedly became stepmom to. We experienced two miscarriages during the beginning of our relationship. I decided I need to have my tubes tied because I was never going to carry a pregnancy and birth control or no birth control I was getting pregnant.

My insurance refused me the tubal ligation and I became pregnant with our daughter Taylor in October 2013. I kept up with all my appointments and fearfully went through the motions of a pregnant woman. I thought my body was finally going to allow me to have a baby. On May 04, 2014 after a week in the hospital, the struggle of keeping her safe in my womb was over. Taylor was born to us to give back to heaven. We buried that beautiful angel on Mother’s Day. My doctor had pressed my insurance for the tubal ligation. During my pre-operation screening, I was told I was pregnant again.

After a lot of conversation between the doctor, my husband and me, we decided to try to go through this pregnancy with more medical intervention. At seven weeks, we were told we were having twins. At nine weeks after experiencing some bleeding, we were told we lost one of the twins. I was placed on bed-rest, and then had a surgery to sew my cervix closed, weekly doctor visits and monitoring. Then I was hospitalized for two weeks for steroid shots to mature my baby’s lungs as she was trying to come early. She was finally born at 38 weeks. She was monitored for diabetes and cleared to be healthy, healthy, and healthy. Did I say she was healthy!

Mother’s Day to me has always been a day of loss and despair. Mother’s Day to me now is bittersweet. As I have always been a mother to angels and children of others. This year was my first Mother’s Day with a living flesh and blood birthed by me child. Do not think for one minute that I did not or do not love those children that have been in my care just as my own. However, there is nothing compared to the experience of carrying that bouncing soul and delivering her into your life.

This year was my first Happyish Mother’s Day and for all that I have endured to get here I will never take for granted this privilege! Yes, Motherhood is a privilege not a right! However, that is a total new rant and post for another time.

Warm Wishes to You and Yours


Deb

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24 comments

  1. Wow Deb you have been through so much, you are amazing. I am so glad you finally had a good Mother's Day, I hope there are more to come! #KCACOLS -The Mum Project

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    1. It was a nice relaxing day. Thank you.

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  2. I'm glad that you got to enjoy the day with all the mixed emotions it brings in the company of those that love you.

    #KCACOLS
    #BigPinkLink

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  3. Oh Deb this is a truly wonderful post - you've been through so much - ridiculously happy for you that you have your own child but completely understand your emotions - such a lovely gift you gave to other children to have fostered #KCACOLS

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  4. you have endured so much, i too have angels in Heaven, but I have like you say been "privileged" to now have 3 live children. It is the best feeling being a mum and especially after struggles we just have a whole new appreciation of this gift, this amazing blessing! Congratulations!!! I am so sorry for your losses, yet so happy for the gift you now have. Wishing you health and happiness xx #abrandnewday

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    1. Yes it is so amazing being a mom! Many learnt things from my path!

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  5. Oh my goodness me. That is such an emotional journey that you have been on, I'm so sorry you've suffered so much heartache to get to this point. I think you have been a blessing in the lives of the children you fostered and maybe wouldn't have gone down that route if you had been on a different path. Thanks for linking up with us. #bigpinklink

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    1. I completely agree. Hence my post Who would I be? I probably would not have accomplished all that I have!

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  6. Wow Debra what a journey of loss and struggle! You're one tough mama though and I am in awe of all you have done, with fostering, with all the angels, and with your current rainbow child!
    #KCACOLS

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    1. Thank you. Just the journey I needed to take to become who I am!

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  7. Deb,
    I've read through quite a few of your different blog posts now, and my amazement of you has never dwindled-in fact-it's grown so much. You truly are an incredible woman, and I'm so happy you were able to spend this mother's day with your very own baby here on Earth. Congratulations to you, and Happy belated Mother's Day! <3 #KCACOLS

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    1. Aww Thank you and Happy Belated Mother's day to you!

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  8. oh my goodness, I can't imagine having experienced all you have. I hope you had a beautiful day, goodness knows you deserve it.

    Simply Shaunacey

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  9. Oh, you've been through so much - I've read a few blog posts from you now and just think you are so strong and such an amazing woman. Happy Mothers Day even though it's a bit late <3 xxxx #KCACOLS (Bridget from Bridie By The Sea)

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  10. I've had tears in my eyes reading this, what a journey it's been for you. I'm so happy that you have your baby safe in your arms. x #KCACOLS

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  11. Deb, you are a true inspiration to mothers. Such love you've given all your losses and all the fostering and step children. Congratulations on having your own little one to spend the day with, indeed a very big privilege. Thanks for sharing with #abrandnewday

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  12. Oh no Deb you have been through a lot!! You are a strong woman. After all these losses I'm happy to read that you finally got a healthy baby in your arms. This indeed have been a happier Mother's Day for you. After all these years it is nice that you got a happy ending. And I agree with you, being a mother is a privilege. Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS. Hope to see you again on Sunday, x

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    1. Yes it was the first year I was Happy to hear the words...Happy Mother's Day!

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