Mommy Potty Chaos

10:01 AM

Mommy Potty Chaos


One of the last things I ever thought that would changed when I became a full time mom was the ability to go to the bathroom in less than 5 minutes. I now have a whole routine I must go through just to go pee.

My routine consists of collecting the baby's stacking cups, singing doll, binky and toy basket. Scoop up the baby. Drop basket off in the bathroom after placing bath mat on the floor. I instruct the preschooler to play in his room as I close the child gate to his room. Go back to the kitchen and grab him a bottle of water. Walking back into the bathroom, I begin a conversation with the preschooler through the closed adjoining door to his bedroom.

I place the baby on the bath rug with her toy basket and close the main bathroom door. Baby begins whimpering. I must get her interested in clanking her cups against each other to redirect her attention. Baby calmed and preschooler still prattling on about a matchbox car he just bought with his allowance. 

Now mommy can sit on the porcelain thrown. The door swiftly opens and there stands my husband asking what I have planned for lunch and when was that happening? After being told off the top of my head ham sandwiches, he leaves with baby crawling after...

Getting up pants around my ankles, I corral baby and bring her back to the rug and basket of toys. Now I am being asked by my preschooler who has his face pressed against the bottom of the adjoining door screaming through the crack on the floor if I am ok because I have been in the bathroom for forevers.

I sit back on the porcelain thrown assuring him I am fine and clapping stacking cups together; my body finally relaxes enough to pee. We are again talking about the matchbox car that I honestly do not recall what it looks like (he has over 100 of those suckers). As the singing doll is playing its fifth round of This Little Piggy, I realize somebody's husband did not refill the toilet paper and I get half a square. Rolling my eyes, I realize I am going to have to let my preschooler into the bathroom to get me a roll.

Pulling the drying towel off the rack, I cover my lap. I explain to him that I need him to come into the bathroom and grab a roll of toilet paper from the closet. Instead of listening to directions, he runs to his gated door and yells for his daddy, whom is outside banging on something in his garage. Then the baby starts yelling back at her brother and crying because she cannot see him.

I grab a magazine from the collection in the basket and distract her with the crackling of pages. As she quiets down, I open the adjoining door. "Come here please, daddy can't hear you. Do you hear the bang, bang, bang? That's daddy outside". 

Finally, my preschooler comes into the bathroom and opens the closet to get the toilet paper. He grabs a roll and three more come rolling out. "Grab those rolls before...." too late baby is trying to ingest a roll. He grabs the roll away from his sister who begins to cry. She begins crawling toward her brother. He throws the rolls into the closet and runs to the living room yelling daddy, daddy, daddy because he hears the front door opening.  "Hey I still need a roll..." Crying baby is trying to crawl out the door towards her brother.

The door opens again with my husband in the frame holding a wiggling and giggling baby, "you still in here!" He hands me a roll of toilet paper and walks back out. I hear...nothing...with a sigh I forgo finishing up and decide to just sit in the silence for a few more minutes. Dear lord let me have just a few minutes of silence.

BANG! The door handle just put a hole in the wall. "Daddy...” And let the chaos begin again!


Thank you Lord, for this beautifully tiring chaos!
 Warm Wishes to You and Yours



Deb

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18 comments

  1. If my pre-children self knew how difficult it would be to do something as simple as going to the toilet I'm sure I would have decided against having kids! ;) It is such a work up. I was nodding my head all the way through reading this! #KCACOLS

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    1. I think nobody REALLY knows how it is to be a parent until it happens for them. It is so much different raising my own child compared to foster kids.

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  2. Oh bless you!!! I can relate to this 100% Deb!
    It's such a rigmarole isn't it?! We just want to pee in peace!!! Is that too much to ask?!
    Brilliant post. I hope you got to pee alone at some point today!
    Gemma.x
    #bigpinklink

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    1. Yes isn't it funny how simple things as going to the bathroom changes so much as a parent. P.S. It is rare to pee alone.

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  3. Bahahaha. I think this is most mom's realities unfortunately! Although since having my second child the routine is not as complex. I just lock them all in the gated room and pray they don't have a cage match while I'm gone! :D
    Thanks so much for linking with #KCACOLS! I hope you come back next Sunday!
    Tori
    www.themamanurse.com

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    1. Now there is a thought...I need a caged room!

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  4. Haha! This sounds familiar, although I usually have them both hanging out with me as we are pretty open about bodily functions, and nudity come to think of it! They've never grasped the concept of a door shut meaning privacy is requested. That or mummy is hiding again! :D Thanks for linking up with us! #bigpinklink

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    1. It is a fine juggling line in our house with privacy with having step sons in the house.

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  5. Oh my days! By the end of this I was crossing my fingers for you to be able to pee in peace! I think most parents of toddlers can relate to this! #kcacols

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    1. I am seeing by the comments this seems to be a common event for those trying to pee on their own.

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  6. Couldn't help but laugh. Sorry! I think you need #AbrandnewTOILETbreak! I must admit, I spend a lot of time in the bathroom with my crawling baby. It's the best baby proofed room in the house and quite large. So while I'm sitting on the toiled he crawls around having fun! Winner. Thanks for linking up to #abrandnewday

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    1. Hahaha love the #AbrandnewToiletbreak. The problem with my daughter in the bathroom she constantly wants to try and lick the toilet bowl. I don't care how many times I wipe it with a clorox wipe. The idea is still gross

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  7. haha I know what you mean!! I don't think we have more peace anymore!! I can't even close the door as it will be open inmediately by any member of the house lol Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS, :-) x

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    1. I know that feeling. I need to get new knobs so I can lock the door. We have the knobs backwards so the lock is on the outside so the kids can't lock themselves in.

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  8. YUP. Although I only have a baby to worry about and he just lies on the bath mat like your little one! But dummy and toys is always mandatory! Haha love this post thanks so much for sharing with #StayClassy!

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    1. wish this was as fun for me as those reading it..haha

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    2. wish this was as fun for me as those reading it..haha

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  9. This is only really funny when it happens to someone else. ;) I always put my kids in their high chairs with a book and made a run for it. LOL I am also laughing b/c I always pull a towel over me when I ask hubby to grab me a roll. LOL

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